SNOWMEN, SNOW ANGELS & SNOW FORTS, seem to have been the big thoughts in my mind all week long. And while I know the snowy and cold weather was influencing my thoughts, I am surprised at the excitement I felt by the winter wonderland like weather, considering that i only ever think weather like this is allowed during the Christmas season. And as we can all tell through the cold, snowy weather that is not supported by Christmas carols, decorations, lights and cheer, the holiday season is long gone. So where this excitement is coming from, I have no clue. But regardless, I have to admit that IT FEELS PRETTY AMAZING TO BE THINKING ABOUT BUYING A PAIR OF SNOW PANTS AND GETTING OUT THERE TO PLAY!!!! In fact, I woke up this morning surrounded by pillows and a few choice stuffed toys that seemed to take the shape of a fort around me and I couldn't help but giggle thinking that I MUST HAVE BEEN PLAYING IN THE SNOW IN MY DREAMS :) It also made me want to build the fort that I am sitting in now, as I write this post. GOD I LOVE BEING SILLY :)
It's crazy I think because while getting lost in thoughts of being child-like and playing in the snow, I think about my life, my age and how for so many years I have seemed to be in this rapid rush to grow up, to get things done, to make sure I have all the boxes checked and signed so that i can get my pass to responsible adulthood. AND FOR WHAT I ASK? For someone to look at me and say congratulations you are now ready to be an adult? You know one of those people that owns a house with a two car garage, that's filled with stuff from pots and pans to bedding and housewares, that sits around and talks sophisticatedly about books, films and worldly events. RIGHT, DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE?
I will admit that a few years back I went to Africa to teach primary school and it was on this trip that I had my first inklings of really wanting the life of a responsible adult - the best friend, the wife, the mother, the everything in between. I spent nights thinking about my life and the age I was and the timing that seemed to make sense. You know the timing that would give my parents piece of mind and allow them to live their lives freely, the timing that would make the most biological sense and the timing that in my mind seemed to be the norm. I came up with a list of things I wanted to do, before it all happened and embarked on the journey to get it all done - signed, sealed and delivered. Only along the way I encountered so many bumps, that it made me really sit back and think whether I really wanted it all and what in fact it was that I was looking for. And that's when I decided to just box myself in by my professional goals, climb the corporate ladder and forget having to face all these life questions.
And then in the midst of living in my comfortable box, life happened. I was slapped by one of the most amazing things ever and it opened my life, my heart and my mind up to that child-like person that I had kept safely hidden inside my boxed in life. And with that I began to live a life that was balanced between love, fun, happiness and anxiety. Anxiety, over letting the walls of my boxed in life be open and realizing that the clock that I had set for myself didn't matter anymore because I was on the right path and that eventually it would all happen. It's a scary thought I tell you, to live beyond your comfort zone. To realize that the things you only dreamed of are happening right before your eyes and yet while you couldn't be happier, you are overwhelmed by the pace that life is taking and the fears of everything that you have held onto since your childhood. You wonder if you are doing the right thing, if you are making the right choices, if you are living the right path. You are constantly surrounded by a state of confusion and fear of whether you are alone in the process you are going through in your mind and if anyone will ever understand, not judge you for it and be willing to listen.
And the truth is, ITS COMPLETELY NORMAL. And as I wake up today, thinking of snowmen, snow angels and snow forts and sit boxed into my own little mattress fort I realize that being an adult isn't about being the things that you think everyone wants you to be. It's about having the courage to define WHO YOU WANT TO BE - Silly, Child-like, Goofy, Ambitious, you name it - AND REALIZING THAT IT ALONG WITH SO MANY OTHER THINGS YOU COULDN'T HAVE EVER IMAGINED WILL BECOME A REALITY and FAST
Life is going to happen and it's going to happen so fast that it will cause you to do, say or make decisions you later want to undo, re-think or forget. And while we will all be overwhelmed by the speed of life, we will blessed with snowy days, that are meant to allow us to put on some snow pants, take a break and have some good old fashion school yard fun :)
Happy Sunday Y'all! Hope you all get to build a fort today!!!