So there the day was. Friday February 1st, I woke up feeling like I knew the day had a weird symbolism to it and as much as I wanted to hide from what it was, I knew i had to look myself in the mirror in the morning and say "Happy 3 year anniversary lady, you have survived". Survived the crazyiness of the concrete walls that you retort to everyday, the monotone answers and facial less expressions that people seem to exude when they respond and the political battles of trying to reach for the top of that corporate ladder. Man do I feel exhausted just thinking about it all. I felt like I could have laid on my clean condo floors at 7am and just slept for about 3 years so that I could recover from the battle wounds ensued since my career at this place began.
When I signed on that dotted line for this gig, I had no idea what doors it would open. And while the wounds seem like they will be permanent, I am beyond grateful for everything I have learnt, done and met. Being part of the running shoe era, meant that I was suppose to be part of the rat race I currently work in, because only then could I truly realize, THAT I AM DONE, DONE LIKE DINNER. And no, I did not walk into work on Friday and quit my job. I just walked to work that morning with a bounce in my step knowing that the stress, the anxiety, the pressure that I put on myself to fit in this neat little box was all gone. And it's not that I don't care anymore, it's just that I finally have the confidence, heart and strength to admit, THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO BE, WANT TO DO AND WANT TO LIVE. Is what you do, what you truly want to do? And does it make you happy?
The structure of the concrete jungle is intoxicating. It pays the bills, it buys me stuff, it lets me spoil the ones I love and see the world. And for that I am grateful, but is all this structure and stability really worth it? I know it makes my family happy knowing that I am structured and stable, but that isn't me and that isn't our running shoe generation. We are the kids that dream big dreams, the kids that want to make the money by changing the world or coming up with the next biggest and brightest idea.
For so long, I have tried to figure out what steps make sense and I kept fitting myself into this consulting, MBA, typical business like bubble, and for what? To be a fashionably dressed female cookie cut out that walks amongst a million others to that concrete jungle everyday. WHO AM I KIDDING? That isn't me. The me i know, has big dreams, she is a jack of all traits, she likes to do it all. So what if i want to be a successful business woman, who owns a yoga studio where she teaches, writes in a blog about everything she wishes, saves the world, does make-up for weddings and events on the side, teaches determined and strong chartered accounting candidates and plans events such as birthdays, showers and themed parties and still gets to have an amazingly love filled social and family life, that includes being a best friend, a wife and a mother. Why can't I do it all? And if not all at once, at least in my lifetime? Why should I have to settle into a box? Is it to make me more marketable as a life partner, to make my family happy or to just be seen as successful in this world? I don't know. I don't know the answer and I don't think I ever will.
And that's okay, because there is one thing I do know. And that is that In your lifetime you will have at least 3 careers, and I am pretty sure the first phase of my first career is coming to an end. And what the second will bring, scares the absolute crap out of me. But that feeling that I get when I think about where it could head because of this next big thing makes me want to immediately spring out of my bed and run to school like I did when I was in first grade :)
And with that I leave you all with THE MOST AMAZING 3 MINUTE TED TALK YOU WILL EVER SEE!! He's just a kid, kid president that is (who happens to dance just like me, lol), but he has the best way of making you re-evaluate your life and listen to what he has to say. http://www.ted.com/talks/kid_president_i_think_we_all_need_a_pep_talk.html
Here is to following your dreams and surrounding yourself with the ones that support you no matter how crazy, ridiculous and insane you may sound at times.
Happy week ahead :)