I had a list of things I wanted to write about and then yesterday morning in the midst of being a hot, sweaty and uncoordinated mess during a fitness class I haven't done in years that list got mentally thrown out. I have no idea how and what point it happened considering I was too busy trying to figure out when I was supposed to jab, hook and jump kick and then put it all together miraculously, but it did. And instead that list was replaced with this idea of motivation. I watched the very pregnant teacher put 100000% into her class and her husband (who stood next to me), push his way through every single move she screamed out. And through all the chaos they seemed to just keep looking over at each other smiling. I knew based on those smiles that I caught in between the sweat droplets stinging my eyes that they were what kept each other motivated. Motivated to keep going and not give up, motivated to look absolutely ridiculous in attempting to stay coordinated and motivated to continue challenging each other regardless of how painful the outcome could be.
And all these thoughts of motivation got me thinking. Remember when we were kids and we were motivated by all those little rewards we could get - the stickers from our teachers, the candies / money / gifts from our parents, the good old posting of the test on the fridge, and so on? I giggled to myself thinking about the little things that got me so pumped to do things when I was a kid and then started to trail off thinking about what it was or has been that has got me going since all those little rewards faded away. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT KEEPS YOU GOING STILL?
As I started to think about the things that have motivated me through out all these years I realized that with the times they have changed. I mean in high school, while I was motivated by my own desire to do well, i knew not wanting to let my parents down kept me going with my studies and I knew that my desire to be considered pretty or popular kept me experimenting with my looks and attempting to get fit. In university I was driven again by my parents, but more so by my desire for self-discovery. I knew university was a chance to really reinvent myself and start becoming the woman I wanted to be. I was surrounded by a million new faces, which to me meant a million new opportunities to really find out what inspired me.
And just as it was coming to an end I entered the workforce, where the idea's of being pretty or popular or the top of the class seemed to fade away and instead get replaced by this thought of racing ahead in my career, which over those first few years never seemed to be as motivating as the failures I kept experiencing with my accounting exams. This desire I had to prove to myself that I was capable of passing and succeeding is really what kept me going. And 3 years after when it was all done, I did become overwhelmed with this thought of - WOW I REALLY CAN DO THIS S&** AND I COULD BECOME REALLY SUCCESSFUL. And then it happened, I was hit by the motivation to just continue to succeed, to get ahead in my career and not at all costs but at the cost of isolating myself from a lot of the world so that I could live safely in my own bubble and do what I needed and wanted to do.
Now in light of what you all in cyber space could be thinking. The real reason for the isolation bubble, was because I have always felt really different from the norm. I am completely random, goofy, nerdy, outgoing, quite, crazy, silly, insecure at times, yet confident, serious, scared, fun, sure of myself, caring and big-hearted all at once. The truth is I have never felt like I fit into that single crowd or box. You know like the ones we had in high school - the cool kids, the dancers, the athletes, and so on. I have always felt like I'm square trying to fit into a circle. So it was always easier to really stay motivated by my 50 shades of personality, rather than try to fit into a box and be motivated by others.
And then that all changed. And I was lucky enough to come face to face with a person that for the first time, really got me (shockingly and surprisingly). And likely because they too had about 50 shades of personality that are like mine all over the place, lol. Regardless it was refreshing to finally be surrounded by someone who I felt comfortable enough to be all 50 shades of me around, especially knowing that I too served as a breath of fresh air by being different. And so I realized that those multiple faces and hats that I continue to wear are what make me uniquely me :) And so that isolation bubble changed. And now the motivation I have comes from a place that I can't even put into words. All I can say is that watching a very pregnant fitness instructor and her big and tall south African husband yesterday made me remember what keeps me smiling and motivated every day and in every sappy sense of the world it continues to be simply beautiful, worth it and life changing for me.
SO I ASK AGAIN, WHAT GETS YOU MOTIVATED? AND WHO / WHAT MAKES YOU WANT TO DREAM WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN AS YOU LIVE A LIFE YOU NEVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE? Think about it and then make sure you hold onto things for dear life. Because no matter what the days may bring - good, bad, ugly, ups, downs, situations you think are far beyond your control - your motivation will always help you get through it!
Happy Sunday and week ahead :)