Sunday, March 17, 2013

TO THIS DAY...I still have my inner child tell me TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER!!

I’m not the only kid
who grew up this way
surrounded by people who used to say
that rhyme about sticks and stones
as if broken bones
hurt more than the names we got called
and we got called them all
so we grew up believing no one
would ever fall in love with us
that we’d be lonely forever
that we’d never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun
was something they built for us
in their tool shed
so broken heart strings bled the blues
as we tried to empty ourselves
so we would feel nothing
don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away
that there’s no way for it to metastasize
Growing up wasn't easy let's face it. And while many of us can put on a facade and giggle about the days on the playground, school yard and class room where we got picked on, tormented and belittled, we know deep down that some of those very words that were used still sit deep inside, harboring our greatest fears and anxieties. These are things we never talk about as we get older, these are the things that 20 years later, still make us question who we are when we look in the mirror, these are the things that even on some of our bestest days make us feel more insecure than our 10 year old selves.
Why? Why can't we let those things go? Why can't we look in the mirror and fully wave goodbye to those times and see our worth staring back in front of us? WHY IS IT SO HARD?
Is it because we can't help but look in the mirror and see that 10 year old version of ourselves staring back at us? Or is it because the names, the phrases, the everythings in between still echo in our heads and hearts creating doubts in those moments in our lives where we think "HOLY SHIT, I GOT EVERYTHING I DREAMED OF AND MORE?
No matter when it is that these insecurities step in did you ever stop and think, "what did I do when I was 10, 12 or 16 when I was being tormented, or made to feel like I was worthless?" I know what I did, I cried over and over and over again and then I got up, looked at myself in the mirror and told myself to get my shit together. And then I went out and lived life like those dark moments never existed. I was fearless, literally. Aiming for the top, no matter what those around me thought. I didn't care that I was a chubby, nerdy, weirdly dressed adolescent, I knew I was going to become something fabulous one day and that I would show all of those people that doubted me.
And then what. WELL I BECAME SOMETHING FABULOUS, DUH! LOL, but even in all my fabulousness, I still get caught up. I look in the mirror and see that chubby, weirdly dressed little girl and wonder if they were right and if I am really all I have cracked myself up to be. Like most of you, that may not admit it out loud, I still harbor those same fears and anxieties that Shane Koyczan's spoken word poem - To This Day - addresses.
The difference is that now when I get overwhelmed and caught up in those insecurities, I look in the mirror and have my 10 year old self stare right back at me, and tell me to GET MY SHIT TOGETHER, BECAUSE I AM FABULOUS AND WORTH IT.
So you see sometimes we just have to listen to our inner child and realize that life is too damn short to live in fear of what could, when we should just be enjoying the greatness of what is :)

Have a watch, a reminisce, a cry, a whatever you need and THEN GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER :)


- Til next time


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